To Beg or not To Beg...

A guy came in reeking of nicotine begging to use the computer. He did not have a library card or Id. I asked him to see the manager. He continued to beg. When I asked him to stop begging he ripped me a new one for calling him a beggar. Oops. I guess the truth hurts. Because the definition of to beg is: 1. to ask for money, or to ask someone to do something in an urgent way. That's what he was doing. I guess I should sugar coat it next time. I'm making friends and influencing people. Left and Right.

Invisible Signs and the Printer Blues

It never ceases to amaze me.

Due to budget cuts we aren't always able to get our laserjet printer cartridges in a timely manner. (We used to have one or two stored at the branch)

Yesterday, our printer ran out of ink.

Today we've posted several signs in bright lime green that state:

"No Printing Until Further Notice."

One sign on the post as you enter the library.
One at the reservation station.
One on the printer itself.

Still no one sees these signs and want to print and are extra pissed when they can't.

One girl would not take no for an answer, she in fact insisted that there should be a way we could print for her and why wouldn't we do it.

It took all I had not to pick up a pencil and scrap paper and say knock yourself out.

On a similar note our Reservation Receipt Printer ran out of paper. So I took it apart and went to get another roll of paper. The nice thing about the Reservation Station is that people can make reservations to use the computer and the Reservation Receipt Printer will print out a little receipt with the patrons library card number, computer number and time to use the computer. OK so sometimes I have to show them how to decipher the receipt but if they have multiple brain cells then it's pretty simple. So I return to find a guy trying to make a reservation and wondering why he didn't get his freakin' receipt. With the printer all taken apart in front of him. He had to move parts of it to make his reservation.

All I could do was stare.

I think I may live in a village of idiots.

Blood from a....

This lady walks up to me and asks for a Phlebotomy Handbook. After checking the catalog I inform her that we only have Phlebotomy Exam Review books and she asks me "What's that?"

Crap. Crap. Crap.

....and this chick wants to work with needles?

The Moose Has Landed

An older gentleman came in today with a slip of paper wanting to know if a specific phone number was still valid. After going through the gamut of reference questions where I must figure out what in heaven's name this guy actually wants. It becomes clear, kind of, sort of. This guy wants to contact a long lost friend in order to tell them of a family member's death. The actual interview takes 3x the usual amount of time but I finally figure it out.


My immediate unspoken response was..."Have you called the actual number?"


...I mean come on it's a phone number for God's sake. If you want to know if it's a valid number DIAL IT!

My actual spoken response..."Let's see what I can find out for you" ...Freakin' customer service brainwashing.


The Older Gentleman is uncertain of the spelling of the persons first name which was when I asked myself the question "Um...how close a friend where you if you don't know how to spell the person's first name?"


I am unable to locate the lost friend on the Internet and really don't want to continue this search because the guy has phone number and won't. call. it.


Finally he asks me to look up a relative of the person he's looking for. Okay, I'll humor him so ...whack! irony hits me on the side of the head with....oh yes, a hit. I found the relative on peoplefinder which lists the individuals last known cities of residence and known relatives.



I show the Older Gentleman my results and he starts asking me questions which have no context like...he must be the son, or a nephew and she must be his aunt. Right? Huh? Who? WTF.



I finally said "Sir I have no idea what you're talking about, I don't know these people or their relationship to each other. "

A lot of the websites for finding people just dangle a little bit of information in front of you so you'll pay the $14.95 a month for their services. Which might be worth it for some but not for me and well not for this guy either because even if he gets contact information like, say, a phone number he won't call it.


Finally I convinced the guy to try the actual number that he already had and if that didn't work out he could always call 411 (which he had to write down so he'd remember it, we are talking about the number for information...INFORMATION.) in each of the cities the long lost friends relative has lived in and see if there's anyone by the name of Moose listed. Yes the family he's looking for has MOOSE as a surname.

I almost asked if his last name was Ox as in dumb as an...

But that would be rude and against my customer service programming....

Nursing the Next Generation

A college aged girl came in yesterday looking for a book on Florence Nightingale. Unfortunately we only had juvenile books on Florence. The girl wanted something more age appropriate on good old Flo but couldn't wait three to seven business days for the book to get here because she waited until the last minute to do her paper. After a brief interview in which I had to ask the questions that would give me an idea of what she really needed, I discovered that she just needed information on someone who made a significant contribution to nursing. OMG. This girl wants to be a nurse...a nurse? And all she could come up with was Florence Nightingale? I asked her if Clara Barnes or Dorothea Dix would be acceptable. She never heard of them. She didn't even know who Marie Curie was. Arghh!!! This is an adult. I had to print out bios for her so she could decide. Oh dear. It's not the fact that she didn't know these people but how helpless she seemed to be in making any kind of decision. It takes a lot of intelligence and commitment to be a nurse and something tells me she's not prepared.

The Comb Overs

Sometimes I just don't understand fashion.



Be it Lady Gaga and her meat dress or those earrings that make the holes in people's ear lobes larger. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense. Lately I've seen a disturbing trend in hair for teens. I've seen boys and girls sporting a comb overs. Yes, you read that correctly... comb overs. Unlike a traditional comb over the teen comb over starts with taking a swath of hair from just over the ear and dragging it across the forehead kinda like a head band and securing it with a bobby pin or hair clip and from the odor, a lot of hairspray. My father used to sport a really bad comb over for many years. When I say bad, I mean really awful but, you could kind of reason out why he to tried badly disguise his balding head by artfully combing over the remaining fifty hairs on the upper portion of his head with aqua net to form a helmet o' lacquer. I wonder however why a teen would do it. It's just not attractive. I have only three reasons why I think someone would sport a comb over (other than the obvious);



1. A big zit or pimple on the forehead

2. to hide a tat

3. to hide a Charles Manson carving on his/her forehead

Wheels on the Car Show Go Round and Round...

Every year our fair city hosts a car show. Every year the epicenter of this car show is the library parking lot. Library Staff dreads the car show every year. I've got mixed feelings about it though. I have a Grandfather that used to collect antique and classic cars so it's somewhat nostalgic for me. Unfortunately our fair city forgets that there are people that have to show up for work at the library and people that want to visit the library. Hence why there is little not noo no parking for us. This year is no different. One of the great aggravations of the yearly car show is the lack of communication between...well...everybody. Between the event coordinators, the participants, the police and the library there is not a clue to be had. This year the coordinator planned for parking for us but the police told us there was no library parking alotted for us and to move along. I got smart this year just parked across the street at the community building to avoid the stress. Each year the event gets bigger and bigger. This year has been the biggest yet. The only patrons who walk in are the hardcore ones who've braved the car show and walked the distance here to use the Internet. A few try to manoeuvre the labyrinth of shiny, expensive, classic cars and traffic cones to park in the assigned library parking stalls. The rest plan on staying home or go to one of our sister branches for the day. Most of the people walking into the library are the car show enthusiasts. Why do they come into the library? To use the restrooms.
I believe that is the most asked question of the day. "Where are your restrooms?"


I also get one old geezer, every car show, every year that wants some obscure information on a manufacturer, inventor, or other "notable" figure in automobile history. Although this is not always true, sometimes it's a question about a make or model of car inwhich only 20 cars were produced. Maybe around the time dinosaurs roamed the earth. This year was no different. A grizzled man without one real tooth in his mouth and ill fitting dentures, drags his potbellied, smelly carcass in with a cane to ask for an obscure figure in automotive history. He's not sure about the individual's name but he's sure this guy invented an engine that was bought by Henry Ford. He thinks. Oh, and the guy was origionally from Germany. Maybe. There was also something about a motorcycle this inventor manufactured who's name started with an "S". The guy pronounces the word motorcycle "motor sickle". He remembers reading an article the last time he was in a library from their special collection of antique car magazines. I asked him how long ago was it. A Decade. He read the article a freakin' decade ago.

Stupid Question of the Day

A Patron called to day wanting to know if our fair city had a pool. Urmmmm okay. I suppose there must be at least one pool in our fair city... somewhere. Right? He wanted to know if our fair city had a pool because the city is advertising an aquatics program. I have to say I wasn't at my best today with this question. He didn't ask where the city pool was, only if the city had a pool. I told him that if the city had an aquatics program then they would have access to a pool. He seemed okay with that. I wondered. Why didn't he just call the city and ask?

Attack of the Dumb Non-Blondes

I'm amazed. Today I've had a gaggle of preteens and teens who can't seem to read a wall clock. I wonder if it's because it's not a digital clock? Or perhaps they just can't figure out to look on the wall for a clock. I don't know. You'd think that all preteen and teens would come fully equipped with cell phones and they could check the time with that. I've had a least three groups ask me for the time and as I peer at the clock on the wall I'm wonder if they think I'm perhaps looking at my internal clock or if the hormones currently running haywire aren't limiting their ability to come to the logical conclusion that I am actually reading a wall clock.

One of the preteens was trying to get on the computer but was unable to read the printed receipt with her registration time on it. Then she is incapable of signing on by herself. She was not only having trouble with entering her card number but also her pin. Her pin is 4 numbers, it is in fact the last four numbers of her phone. So I had to do it for her. Arghhh...

Lunch with Eyebrow Girl

Yesterday I was working the reference desk when a woman came up to me and asked if we were allowed to eat in the library. Now you'd think that would be a pretty straightforward question but the library sells snacks to help fund it's book budget. So while technically we don't allow food or drink we sell items like pretzels, chex mix, nerds, m&m's. Snacks that aren't going to leave a nasty stain or smear itself on the books, furniture or carpet. Before I could explain the fine intricacies of our food policy, she explains that there is a woman in the teen section eating her lunch and it's very distracting. Okay. Time to investigate! I walk back to the teen section to find Eyebrow girl sitting at one the diner booth in the teen section with a hamburger, fries (complete with ketchup) and a coke. I tell her she can't have a lunch in the library and she looks at my like I'm nuts and leaves. Gosh if only she'd stay away. But alas, later that day she returns to use the computer. I think that she may have eaten a little too quickly because as she was passing the reference desk she let loose a big fart. You should have seen the look on the guys face I was helping at the Reference Desk. I don't know what amazed and shocked him more Eyebrow Girl's near to non existent ensemble or the amazing amount of flatuence she let loose in public. Sadly, I was not so suprised by either.

Living in the land of the indecisive...

Just decide already! I've had two SRP tweenies sift through the incentives for the last 45 minutes. We close in 30 minutes. After that I'm leaving. They are on their own. What's so hard about picking an incentive. I don't freakin' get it. Just pick something already. We have stuff. Stuff that you can choose. It's not like they are choosing a college to attend. It's a coupon for frozen yogurt or a magnetic book mark, or a book bag. Give me a break. Then there is the questions. How much frozen yogurt can you get. Can you replace the batteries on the lava lamp key chain? Can I exchange this if I don't like it later on? OMG. I told them when SRP is over SRP is over! it all goes away! No refunds no exchanges. Now it's just one tweenie and she's talking to herself....

Liar, Liar, I hope your pants light on fire...

Honesty is always the best policy. This is a concept that I think everybody should live by and try to follow. It drives me nuts when someone is blatantly lying to get their own way. Just tell the truth and take responsibility. It's part of being an adult. Basically I'm too lazy to lie. It takes to much effort to keep your story straight. Most people aren't smart enough to be a good liar. At least our patrons aren't. Then you will always be known as a big fat liar and an untrustworthy person.



This evening a little cocker spaniel mix came into the library. She was so cute! She was obviously looking for someone. She had no collar or leash. When she found the person she was looking for in the library the patron claimed that it wasn't her dog but her neighbors and that it must have followed her here. The dog won't stay outside and keeps barking frantically when she can't get in. That tells the staff (who are animal lovers) that some thing's up. The patron then tells us that she's watching the dog for her neighbor which to me means that she's taken responsibility for the dog and needs to take it home. Our Assistant Branch Manager informs the patron that she needs to take the dog home. So with a length of yarn that we provided her to create a makeshift leash she ties the dog outside the library. Okay, that's not taking the dog home! The patron's Internet time was more important her than taking care of a living being in her care. Which pisses me and a the rest of the staff off. When the dog breaks free the patron, let's call her Cruella, proceeds to kick the little cocker spaniel mix. All this was witnessed by a staff member. Cruella was approached by the what we suspect is the owner but we're not sure. Anyway this guy takes the dog away. I guess during the course of events Cruella had called the owner to pick the dog up however, you can't trust a single word that came out of this woman's mouth. I was thinking that it would have been kinder to call animal control and have the dog picked up. Cruella walks back in and when confronted about abusing an animal in her care admits it with not even a shred of shame or remorse. It boggles the mind. I hope she doesn't have kids.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH

I need a vacation. I have had enough of our library patrons. If it's not cat lady bringing back our books smelling of nasty, dirty cat litter then it's people calling me for phone numbers instead of looking it up in their own phone book or calling 411. If it's not those yahoo's, it's the guy who uses the internet looking up ads in the personals and has me doing his mapquest and making sure he doesn't have to pay for any extra prints. It's another appearance of the King of Dicks and his request that we hold movies for him or eyebrow girl and her barely clothed big body with her plummers butt crack stairing me in the face as she uses a computer. It's the stupid people who say what's my PIN?

The End of the Summer Reading Programs

Our Summer Reading Programs, of which there are four separate programs, are almost over. We have had nine weeks, nine freaking weeks of SRP. The first six flew by but the last week seems to be taking forever... A man asked me what happened after our Summer Reading Programs ended. How do you answer that question without making the guy look like an imbecile? I mean really. What happens after SRP ends. Well, buddy it all stops. No more having to look up your registration card, no more having to tally how many books you read or may have lied about reading, no more having to wait while you sift through all of the incentives. No more having to deal with your whiny, complaining butt until next year. No more having to deal with the hordes of children and the misbehaving parents and I shout Yay!

The Library staff will celebrate with alcohol this year.

It has been a long SRP.

Who Was That Masked Lady?

There has been a reemergence of masked ladies at the library. I use the term "ladies" very loosely as so far I have not had one act like a lady yet. They act like a word that rhymes with witches. They are usually suffering from some form of germ based phobia. So what do they do? They come to a public library where there are trillions of germs and patrons who haven't seen a bar of soap in a very long time. Let's not mention little children and adults who don't wash their hands after using the potty then handle the books. It happens. I'm rarely sick and I believe it's because I've built up an immunity from working here. I have so much sick time on the books it's criminal. Let me tell you there is no amount of Lysol or disinfectant that will make this library a safe place for a masked lady because of the sheer volume of people that come here on a day to day basis and the number of surfaces they touch. I would think for a germaphobe that a library must be like hell on earth. So why come here? Some sort of therapy or is it desperation? Perhaps a sign of insanity? Who knows. We now have two masked ladies who use our computers. So far both are typical for their breed. They are insufferable witches for which the staff can do nothing correctly or quickly enough. There is only one way to treat a masked lady and that is with uber politeness, never show fear, never, ever let them see you sweat, never let them get to you.

Back in the day at another Library in Southern California I was introduced to my very first masked lady. She was so convinced that the she needed to protect her self from the poisonous toxins in the library that She would come to the library dressed in full surgical scrubs complete with face mask. Sometimes she would come dragging a mini oxygen tank with her. She was one of the most unpleasant people I have ever had the misfortune to be in the vicinity of. I shudder even now as I think of her.

Sauced at the Library

Lately there have been a plethora of people coming into the library sauced. I'm not talking about some bizarre sexual preference or new fashion fad. I'm talking old school sauced. AKA. Drunk. I don't mean someone that's had one to many. I'm talking about someone that saw one two many three days ago and kept tossing 'em back anyway. First it was the guy that could have passed for one of the members of ZZ top. We found him in the little patio between the library and the psycho senior center sitting in one of their little white plastic chairs. As it was after hours for both the library and senior center we asked him to leave. He was so drunk that he could not find the freakin' gate to leave the patio area. He stumbled about the patio area looking for the gate. Eventually with help he made it out.

Next we had a couple kicked out of the AA meeting for being drunk. How whacked is that? So what does this couple do but mosey on down to the library to dry out. While they were drying out the male part of the this couple needs to use the bathroom. He is so drunk that he literally can't make it to the men's restroom fast enough and urinates in this pants. In. His. Pants. There was a lot of pee. He then decides since he's already relieved himself that he'll just take a load off and sits in one of our cloth upholstered library chairs. His pants are dripping with his own urine and he just sits down on library furniture. Not on library furniture that can be wiped down either. Ughhhh.... It's hard to even think about.

Address Unkown...Return To Sender

Our Summer Reading program is in full swing. I've noticed that a lot of our teens and tweens lack certain basic skills and knowledge that I believe to be an essential part of well...being.

The most disturbing lack of knowledge that some of these kids are exhibiting is that they couldn't tell me where they lived or how they could be reached by phone. Ummm...you know that would be their home address and home phone number. I'm shocked at how many of these kids don't know their own freakin' address. I mean come on people! I learned that in kindergarten. I had one teen who needed help with the "big" words in her address (Eisenhower). Come on! Eisenhower was a president of the United States of America. Their are just some things that kids should just...know...especially by their teens. I am so glad I will not be reproducing. I wouldn't want my nonexistent kid to have to deal with this type of peer.

The Absolutely Fabulous and Flesh Art

There are some patrons that you just want slap upside the head for lack of brains and originality. I was approached by a young woman who wanted of all things a tattoo book. We have books on the history and culture of tattooing both modern and ancient but she didn't want that oh no... She wanted a book with pictures of tattoo's. She wanted a catalog of tat's. I mean really. Could some be more unoriginal. I'm all for those people who want to suffer for their art. I mean it's a free country and all, if you want to pay someone a crap load of cash to take an ink filled needle which they will then use to pierce your body with "art" great. After the infection abates and the scabs flake off you will have a permanent body art. Congratulations. Although I don't think I could do it. What if I got tired of the image? Worse yet what if the image got warped as I aged. I mean I liked unicorns and dragons as a teen and if I could afford to get them tattooed across my...well whatever... by the time I got to my 40's I doubt you could tell which one was the dragon and which the unicorn. What if the image no longer pertained to who I am today? Old boyfriends name? Ick. This girl just wanted to copy someone else's artwork because she didn't have the originality to figure out what she wanted. I really dislike having to deal with the Edina and Patsy's of the world. (Absolutely Fabulous 1990's BBC sitcom) I can not stand those women who buy, adorn, shave, alter their physical being to a extreme extent because it's a fad.

Reference Questions We Love To Hate

I've seem to be attracting patrons that like to give the staff those reference questions we love to hate.



Some of our Favorites are:



1. Do you have a book on Betty Rose? (Betsy Ross)



2. I need a Notary Repulican book! ( Notary Public)



3. I want a Bibliography. (Biography)



4. I need an autobiography. (the patron really wants a biography)





If these reference questions resembled fictional characters I'd say they would be Petuna and Vernon Dursley from Harry Potter.

Definition of Charity....

char·i·ty (chār'ĭ-tē)
n. pl. char·i·ties

1. Provision of help or relief to the poor; almsgiving.

2. Something given to help the needy; alms.

3. An institution, organization, or fund established to help the needy.


The other day I had a mother and her daughter come into the library. The daughter was looking to do some community service hours. Of course daughter had informed be that it had to be done like, YESTERDAY. I informed her that I would not be able to help her and referred to the closest charitable organization. They both wanted to know what the word charitable meant.

I mean come on.

Really?

Mister Sixteen and the killing of TIME

Most of the time community service workers (individuals paying a debt to society rather than paying a fine with cold, hard, cash) get a bad reputation for being difficult to work with. I've found that to be not true. I've trained some great community service workers and they've been wonderful additions to our staff.

Typically to volunteer people will have to fill out an application and attend a volunteer orientation. If a potential volunteer can get through that (it's not like it's taking the SAT's for Cripes sake) then the person aught to be a decent volunteer.

However that's not always the case. This guy saunters into one of my orientations 20 minutes late and I knew, just knew, this guy was going to be trouble. He hands me his application, I look it over and notice that he didn't sign it. I ask him how old he is, wanting to make sure he's over 14 years of age and then ask him to sign his application. He looks at me dully and puts the number 16 where his signature goes. After orientation I arrange a day and time for him to come in for training. Later in the day I call his house because I need to change the day and time due to a conflicting appointment and speak to his mom. According to mommy dearest she was going to contact me anyway regarding his training schedule because of the time of day. I guess her precious baby boy can't focus so early in the morning and that TEN THIRTY in the morning would be too early. WTF! I can't believe I didn't nip that in the bud right then. However I have to follow through and give him a fighting chance. I arranged for an afternoon training time so he could "focus" and paired him with Reiko as his trainer. Mister Sixteen wanders in...late...and Reiko promptly starts him with Adult Fiction. Adult Fiction is pretty darn easy. Shelvers arrange the books in alphabetical order by authors last name. It's the a...b...c...'s for cripes sake. This guy goes through and stuffs bunches of books on his cart in the general area and says he's done. When we correct him he says dude I'm just killing time....well I said you're not killing time here. Then I found out that he's already been kicked out of the Charitable organization up the street. What a loser...

Salamander Man Strikes Out

After a reference desk shift change with Reiko - Salamander Man somehow signs himself off the computer he's using and gets super pissed. From what I understand Salamander man used foul language and obscene gestures to illustrate his impatience and frustration. Poor Reiko, she was very close to calling the cops. Salamander Man was out of control and not dealing with reality. Earlier when he was getting a library card, one of our circ staff returned a slip of paper that fell out of his wallet and he thought she'd given him her phone number. Ewww... He's like 70 something and she's 24. Then there's whole Salamander Thing he's got going on and none of us are into amphibians....

Demented Miss D Diversifies

The Demented Miss D has decided that she needs to learn a few new tricks. During the Summer the Branch catches up on a lot of tasks that we can't get to during the school year. Which includes recovering books. Miss D was determined to learn how to cover books and asked Penelope to show her how. Miss Penelope convinces Miss D that she really needs picture book labels made instead of books covered. Which is true. However Miss D is not capable of covering books and is capable of using a rubber stamp and ink pad... sometimes barely. Miss Penelope carefully instructs Miss D in the stamping of her picture book labels. I think that sometimes Miss D can only retain a small portion of instructions or the instructions degrade once they've reached her brain. Miss Penelope wanted 4 sheets of labels stamped with each letter of the alphabet which would make approximately 60 labels for each letter in the alphabet. Miss D stamped six hundred and eighty....A's.

Salamander Man and his teeny, tiny attention span

This morning has been pretty quiet. This is unexpected for a Saturday especially since it's 103 degrees outside. I usually expect more people to take advantage of our morgue like air conditioning. So I was feeling pretty good about today until this patron walks in. I shall call him Salamander Man because that's what he reminds me of. Salamander man wants to use the computer, in fact he is set on using the computer to renew his registration. He's even gotten a library card. yea. The first bit of information he has to give me is the fact that he's not been in a library since he was 15. I quickly do the math based on his estimated age and realize it must have been in the early fifties. Holy Crap. So, I am prepared show him how to log on to the computer knowing that he's probably hasn't had that much experience. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for this guy. I start off with simple instructions which my six year old nephew could follow. With this guy it's like herding hamsters. He doesn't even know what a mouse is. (okay I can kind of understand that because he's well....old.) I also have to repeat everything several times because he can't seem to focus. I inform Salamander Man that his PIN number is the last four digits of phone number and he draws a blank. I asked him what phone number he put on his application. Still he draws a blank. Come on even my six year old nephew knows his phone number. This whole fiasco has taken up 30 minutes of my time and finally I give up and make the registration for him. I actually make him look at my hand while I use the mouse so he (hopefully) figures out how to left click on links. My deranged poodles have a longer attention span than this guy. I suggested that he might, just might, want to just call and make an appointment at the DMV...

The King of Dicks and his Rocket Man

The King of Dicks excels at being confrontational. Somewhere past middle age but yet to achieve true senior citizen status he appears to be a clean cut normal looking guy. Appearances however can be sooo deceiving. This guy has issues. He hates using our express check out and when he must use it does so with barely suppressed violence. Poor express check out machine...it doesn't deserve such abuse. He hates the staff at large. None of the staff can do anything fast enough or good enough for him. Once or twice he's actually forgot to return a book and instead of looking at home for it insists that he returned it and it's our fault. He won't even consider the remote possibility that he could possibly be mistaken. He always has this attitude of barely suppressed rage. I am of the opinion that The Dick King is just looking for a strong woman...perhaps with a whip and lots of leather? The staff usually suffers with the knowledge that as soon as we help him he'll be out of our hair. However, Penelope had had enough one day and gave him a big old helping of tit for tat. If our branch manager had actually been in the branch, like doing his job, Penelope would have probably been dust. However she has endeared herself to many of the staff when she gave the Dick King his just deserts. It's not so much what was said but how she said it. She used a very venomous and dominant tone. After that he's been a bit more pleasant especially to Penelope. Perhaps Miss Penelope has made a conquest???



The King of Dicks came in today wanting to know where our current copy of "Rocket Man" was. I asked him if it was a comedy and he said "No." with this sour look on his face. He said the sequel to "Rocket Man" just came out. It took me awhile but I convinced him that the movie he was looking for was "Iron Man" with Robert Downey Jr. - Freakin' idiot.

Eyebrow Girl and the Crack of Doom

Today Eyebrow Girl sauntered in with the briefest pair of denim shorts I have ever and I mean ever seen. The wisp of denim barely covered the middle portion of her butt. Leaving way to much crack showing above the flimsy excuse for a garment and a copious amount of cheek hanging out. Eyebrow Girl sat down at a table and it looked like she was naked from the waist down. Not too mention the butt cleavage. Ewww... She finished her ensemble with a wrap around white strapless top that screamed "hooker!" Patrons just stopped and stared. It took all I had to ask her to cover up. There's only so much bare white oozing flesh that people should be exposed to.

The Iron Mother and her spawn.

Every couple of months the Iron Mother and her spawn Mama's Boy come into the library and bless us with their intrusive and annoying presence. After every visit it reinforces my belief that's it's okay for some mothers to eat their young. In this instance it would be beneficial to mankind.

Every time they visit I know they enjoy pissing the staff off. Today the Iron Mother came in asking for "that vampire book". She looked at me like I was nuts when I asked her for more information. Then she wanted "that vampire book on CD" After I ascertained that yes it was Twilight by Meyer. She then wants to know how long it is and does she have to read the series in order. It's not just the stupid questions it's just the whole attitude of entitlement that seeps from her very pores that pisses me off. Let's not forget Mama's Boy. He always puts on this superior attitude and tries to be ultra suave and debonair. Which just does not suit him in the least. I bet that guy has never been...well you know...laid.

Eyebrow Girl

We have a new regular patron in our little library. In order to achieve "Regular" status. A patron must visit the library more than three times a week for more than 2 hours a day. Our new regular comes in every freakin' day. Some call her Eyebrow girl, some call her Brittneyspearsho, and some call her a waste of humanity. When Eyebrow Girl walks in she is the recipient of many stares. Not the lustful glances that I know she believes she's getting, but the OMG looks of disbelief and yes, revulsion. If it's not the eyebrow liner geometrically applied to her forehead that looks like it could have been applied with a wide tipped sharpie and not Revlon or Cover Girl. It would be the clothing or, rather lack of clothing adorning her burgeoning body. I mean come on put some clothes on girl, nobody and I mean nobody wants to see...all that blindingly white flesh. I swear if I saw her on a sunny day I'd suffer from severe snow blindness.