Lost with Soundtrack

J.C. the third came in to pay for a lost book. This in itself is suspect as J.C. III is known for his frugality. Never one to willingly pay an overdue fine much less for the current list price for an actual book. In the past he has requested that the SoCal library buy obscure sci-fi and fantasy titles so that he could read them with out having to purchase them.When someone wants to pay for a book Circ staff does not look forward to the paperwork involved. It sucks for us as well as for the patron. It's a pretty intricate process what with all the forms that need to be filled out in triplicate no less. You'd think they were buying a car! And we are busy, by Golly! Other patrons look down upon us for taking so long what with the paper work and reciept giving. There are times when a patron pays for a book that isn't really lost. In these instances there are usually two types of patrons who do that. The first type are the Religious Nuts. R.N.'s are patrons who check out books on witchcraft and other "devil books" with the knowledge that they will not be returning them. Such books I imagine are often burnt. I had a couple of missionaries let me know that it's common practice among their contemporaries. They will check out a book like Buckland's Guide to Witchcraft and then roast a few marshmellow's over the burning carcass of our intellectual rights. The other type is the Obscure Book Lover. OBL's will covet the last known copy of a book by some obscure author of which we are the only library that has it in our collection. They check out the book and then claim they "lost" it in order to make it forever theirs. I believe J.C. III to be an OBL. The big clue was when Ms Nadine was trying to complete the myraid of paperwork required for J.C. III to recompense us for "losing" the book. He was just way too chipper to be laying down cold hard cash for a library book and he was also accepting responsibility. With few exceptions patrons will never, ever take responsibility for lost or overdue books. It's always gotta be the Library's fault. I think what makes this experience exceptional for the staff is when as the line to check out gets longer and longer J.C. III starts giving Ms. Nadine a booktalk about the book as well as serenading her with the "original songs" included within....the lost book. ARGHHH!

The Demented Miss D and her Balls of Steel

I'm suprised Miss D can walk with the large balls of steel nestled betwixt her legs. I mean she should at the very least waddle. At first glance Miss D seems like a very sweet old lady but looks can be deceiving. It all started with the reduction of hours taking place in June. Mr. Useless, our branch manager, took down the master schedule and did a preliminary change so that staff could get an idea of how the reduction effect everyone. Instead of putting up an accurate schedule that, god forbid, reflects the current state of affairs he puts the adjusted going into effect June schedule back up. Miss D takes one look at that schedule this morning and goes into Freak Mode. She starts with her signature muttering and asking the staff repeatedly "Who changed my schedule!?" " Who has the authority to change my schedule!?" Mr. Useless only works at our branch Monday, Wednesday and a half day on Friday so of course he's not able to diffuse the situation because he's at the MoCal branch. Miss Raiko, our 2nd in command is out sick until mid June, Miss Penelope is doing story time and craft with her usual 75 kids and I have yet to come in because I'm working the closing shift. Unbeknownst to the rest of the staff Miss D. has tried to call Mr. Useless's cell phone, our old regional manager, and finally calls Mr. Big Cheese himself when she she doesn't get the snappy results she expects. I enter the back room as she is making the call to Mr. Big Cheese and stare at her in stupification once I realize what she's doing. There are certain things you should never ever do, for instance; spitting in the wind, ramming a police car, baiting a rabid dog, eating questionalble shellfish, washing your hands after using the bathroom, etc... Well yeah, you could do these things but it's really not recommended. By calling Mr. Big Cheese and discussing a branch issue with him she's put her employment status in a potentially dangerous position. If Mr. Big Cheese finds out that Miss D is well... of diminished capacity, he could push for her termination. As it is she is not able to work the circulation desk at all and told Mr. Big Cheese. We'd love for her to be able to take up of the circ desk slack but she brings chaos to the front desk just by walking next to it. When she actually worked the circ desk she created so much confusion and destruction I was tempted to start drinking on the job. Regular patrons would ask to be helped by anyone other than Miss D. One female patron almost burst into tears at the very thought of having Miss D. help her because Miss D. made her feel like a criminal. (don't ask me why) According to Miss D. the conversation was short and she expressed her concerns about the whole schedule conspiracy. Miss D. was satisfied because she got a difinitive answer from the Biggest of Bosses which was to disregard the changes on the schedule and talk to Mr. Useless.

Demented Miss D's Diatribe

The staff has become accustomed to Miss D's Demented excentricites over the course of her employement. However, as an addict becomes tolerant to his or her drug of choice, so do the staff at the SoCal library become tolerant of Miss D's antics and demented foibles. The Universe being the cruel and sadistic mistress she is, cracks the her whip and tortures the sane - by escalting Miss D's dillusions and ravings exponentially. The staff has developed a sort of selective hearing that activates just when we hear the sound of her voice. Ususally myself and many others can block out the sound of her voice when she goes into her stream of conciousness mode. Just enought to drive the rest of the staff stark raving mad. Lately Miss D has been haunting the library on her off days and calling in to talk to staff when not scheduled to work. Staff used to breathe a sigh of relief when Miss D would leave for the day, but alas we can no longer depend on a brief vacation from her insanity. Now at the drop of a hat she will come in and grace us with her presence or call us with some strange fact or illness. This weekend alone she was sure she had not only shingles but elephantitis. She followed many of us around asking the questions like are you religious? Do you know who cooked the last supper? She is abso-freaking-lutely certain that the new self-check-out machine is there to replace her. Let's not even start with how the volunteers are threatening her position here in the library heirarchy and the new branch manager is out to get her. A couple of months ago I complimented Miss D when she helped another senior access the internet and fill out unemployment forms. She comes back the next day with all of the certificates she's been presented for every computer course she's ever taken for the last fifteen years with a stern lecture from me on how she does know how to use the computer and she can prove it by golly!

Demented Miss D's Dizzying Decent into Disturbia

The Library Conglomerate revealed to it's employees today that we would be getting a %3.25 raise. Yeah! Let us rejoice! Then they backhanded us like a sweaty drunk in a sweat stained wifebeater by cutting all employees hours by %5. I mean why not just cut our hours by %2.75 and call it a day already! Why the bait and switch?

Well, the library system is all a buzz with this new revelation and it's employees are trying to figure out how to adjust to the change. And so starts the Demented Miss D's short trip across that mental street from the corner of semi-stable and sane to the corner of disaster and dementia. Like a wolverine protecting a fresh kill Miss D went right into attack mode. She started with accusing the volunteers of doing her work and as a result the management having to reduce her hours. She said this in front of a volunteer none the less! Although I told her it's happening to everybody and that volunteers have nothing to do with it. I believe she was truly in paranoia mode and was not to be reasoned with. Sometime later Miss D. comes to the realization that it must be our part-time Branch Manager that's out to get her. Again I try to direct her to the avenue of sanity by the way of reason blvd. but alas, she's not going to be coralled. I'm waiting with baited breath to see who she blames next...

What's in a Label?

What's in a label? The head honcho of our library conglomerate is eradicating library labels. At first some may think okay, that could be a good thing - saving staff time and the library much needed funds. Then sanity steps in and smacks me a good one. WTF!!! For those who have never worked in a library you may not understand the severity of the situation. Mr. Big Cheese wants to turn the SoCal branch and all of her sisters into little (or big) souless hunks of uniformity. Think Walmart or Homedepot. Mr. Big Cheese wants to strip each branch of it's identity and it's soul. There's a reason our little SoCal Library has labeled certain materials the way we do. It's not to make more work- it is in fact to make things easier for both staff and patron. We didn't wake up one morning and say "gee.. let's label crap for the fun of it!" Our labeling system has evolved over years in response to the needs of our community. I shudder to think of what our ordered little library will become. This edict, if it passes will be a terrifiying blow to the running of the branch and staff morale. It's not like Mr. Big Cheese will reap the benefits of living in a labeless universe. It will be the peons, the troops in the trenches who will deal with the chaos of it all. How will our patrons find the mysteries??? the sci fi? or heavens, the new books? Dear God think about the shelf checks, the books from other branches that will find themselves on our shelves and vise versa because like a communist country everything looks the same. Creativity, orignality and pride will fall by the wayside and for what? To save a few measly staff hours from processing materials once they arrive at the branch? So that we, a government agency will resemble a cheap version of Borders? Mr. Big Cheese wants to be able to walk into any branch in our system and have it look the same. This is an unattanable dream and Mr Big Cheese won't be alive to witness this event. Why? Not because the Sisterhood of the Library Labels has put out a hit on him but because he doesn't want to unlable the existing materials. Oohh nooo this disordered chaos will grow like a malignant tumor on the backside of the library system, creating a mish mash of labeled and unlabeled materials until like a cancer it takes over the collection entirely. How long will it take? Perhaps a decade? I predict the fall out to be considerable due to misshelved items and disgruntled patrons. Dear Library Goddess this act of insanity offends my retentive soul!

Sa turd ay

I've always wondered by their was "turd" in Saturday. After working one this last Saturday at SoCal I now know why...



Usually Saturdays are quiet affairs with the absence of patrons that let a person catch up on all the work that's been set aside because we're just too freakin' busy keeping the doors open what with the hiring freeze and the staff shortages. This Saturday was looking to be just as placid and stress free when I had a premonition. I was adding up the checks from the money taken in the day before when the total came to $51.50. 5150 is the cop code for someone who is crazy. And so they began coming in... first with a patron and her daughter all fired up because their refund the library owed them was not here fast enough. I go a lot of "your taking food out of my kid's mouths!" and "this is all your fault." On and on it went...Stress levels were raised and people came in all day reminding me that perhaps we shouldn't have sharp objects within easy reach at the workplace.

Biology and the many acts of Reproduction...

A teen came up to me and ask for books on biology, so stupidly I went and got her a biology book. She looked at it strangely and said in a distracted manner. "I need a book the reproduction cycle. " "Any particular kind of reproduction cycle?" I ask. Watching her face contort in confusion. I am imagining the inner dialog she must be having with herself. " What do you mean what type? " I wonder if she's imagining if there are any other ways to well.... do it that she hasn't already done. At that point I have to intercede because it's just getting too painful to watch her mentally go through her list of sexual exploits. So I ask "I mean do you want the reproduction cycle of a plant, or anphibian, a mammal, or a fish?" I go on and inform her that there are all different kinds of plants, animals and single celled organisms that have their own kind of reproduction cycles. Then I ask her which one would she like information on...I actually witness the curcuits in her brain spark. She says "Oh yeah, I want information on the reproduction cycle of humans!" Okay I'm thinking, if I get her a book on the human body is what is she going to do with the knowledge she attains? Ewww. maybe I shouldn't even go there. We reach the anatomy section and I go for a basic book on the human body - you know the kind that diagrams in simple renderings of what's where, what it does and why it exists. I have to open the book to the reproductive section and viola! I can hear the light bulb sputter on in her brain. Oh yeah that exactly what I'm looking for! - Amazing isn't it?