Salamander Man and his teeny, tiny attention span

This morning has been pretty quiet. This is unexpected for a Saturday especially since it's 103 degrees outside. I usually expect more people to take advantage of our morgue like air conditioning. So I was feeling pretty good about today until this patron walks in. I shall call him Salamander Man because that's what he reminds me of. Salamander man wants to use the computer, in fact he is set on using the computer to renew his registration. He's even gotten a library card. yea. The first bit of information he has to give me is the fact that he's not been in a library since he was 15. I quickly do the math based on his estimated age and realize it must have been in the early fifties. Holy Crap. So, I am prepared show him how to log on to the computer knowing that he's probably hasn't had that much experience. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for this guy. I start off with simple instructions which my six year old nephew could follow. With this guy it's like herding hamsters. He doesn't even know what a mouse is. (okay I can kind of understand that because he's well....old.) I also have to repeat everything several times because he can't seem to focus. I inform Salamander Man that his PIN number is the last four digits of phone number and he draws a blank. I asked him what phone number he put on his application. Still he draws a blank. Come on even my six year old nephew knows his phone number. This whole fiasco has taken up 30 minutes of my time and finally I give up and make the registration for him. I actually make him look at my hand while I use the mouse so he (hopefully) figures out how to left click on links. My deranged poodles have a longer attention span than this guy. I suggested that he might, just might, want to just call and make an appointment at the DMV...