Prison and Proud of It

Today I should be getting paid $5.99 an minute like those phone sex operators. I can give satisfaction. OK, so not in a carnal kind of way however if I have to put up with anymore cheap ass patrons I'm going to demand credit card info and charge by the minute before taking calls. Patrons call us for a variety of reasons of which few actually involve some sort of reading material. The rest go somewhat like this:

1."What are your hours?"

2." Are you open?"

3."Can you give me the address to ________"

4." I need the phone number for____"

5." Where can I get a passport?"

6. " Do you have any Tax forms"

One page, Alexis, actually had this conversation:

Alexis: Good Morning, this is the Socal Branch library. Alexis speaking, how may I help you.

Patron: Is this the Socal Branch Library? Who is speaking?

When patrons are not using the Reference Desk as a lazy way not to look in their own phone book or pay for 411 fees they don't even bother to pay attention when they do call us.

Here are some of my absolute favorite calls:

A man called and wanted to know when the movie "Amazing Grace" was playing at the Puente Hills AMC that day. Puente Hills is 15 miles away! He didn't want the phone number or the address just the showtimes. What am I Movie Phone?

Woman calls in on her cell phone looking for a video on the Donner Party. She's on the ball and lets me know that she's a patron from another branch five cities away and already put the video on hold but would like to pick it up that day at the Socal branch. I can hear her kids screaming in the backgroung and all of a sudden she screams " Shut the hell up!" Hopefully to her brats and not me. After I find the video in question she wants directions. I have to use all of my willpower not to ask " Do you have a pen" because I knew darn well she was in a moving vehicle. All of a sudden in the middle of our phone conversation she says " Two bean burritos, no cheese a #1 combo with fries and 3 regular cokes - YEAH THAT'S RIGHT THREE REGULAR COKES". She's ordering lunch at Taco Bell. May the goddess of phone ettiquette strike her down.

A Man called the Reference Desk and wanted to know if we carried any newspapers from the 1980’s. He was interested in looking for articles concerning his escape from prison. Enough said.