The Demented Miss D.

The Demented Miss D, is a long time employee at our library. She is a sweet woman of advanced years and increased senility. Many would call her excentric, others a little dotty. She is one of those rare individuals who never SHUTS UP. She is constantly talking. CONTSANTLY. An actual stream of consiousnous is forever spewing forth from her mouth punctuated only with the flatulence out her ass. While checking books out to patrons she must tell them every little thing she is doing. When they have an overdue fine no matter what the amount it’s always “A little bit of an overdue” Miss D has what we thought were two safe jobs, processing periodicals and sorting the mail. Today she was sorting the mail and came across a Victoria’s Secret catalog. She came back and asked to the workroom at large why Victoria’s Secret would send a bunch of Librarians a catalog. She used the phrase “Well golly” in the question. Which, for some odd reason, always makes me wince. Then from out of nowhere she announces that one of our reference staff, Miss Carlotta, could wear Victoria’s Secret lingerie because of the shirts she wears. We interpret this to mean Miss Carlotta is stacked. Then she ponders some more on the underwear quandary and comes to this conclusion- that Ms. Bernie ( another staff member present ) could also wear Victoria’s Secret but she’d need a “little bit of a face lift” Finding herself on a roll at this point and makes sure to inform Miss Penelope our children’s librarian that she could also wear Victoria’s Secret lingerie - but only if she wore a paper bag over her head. I guess plastic surgery is not an option for Miss Penelope. She meant that only in a nice way.