A Decade in Review 1998-2008....

My Branch Manager's or "BM" is retiring next month. After 10 years of working as the head honcho at our little SoCal Branch she's calling it quits and moving on to more relaxing pursuits. She's the best BM I've ever had - wait that didn't sound quite right did it? As her last day draws near other staff members and myself reminise on all the people and experiences we've had.

Staff 1998-2008 "the Highlights"

Secret of the Sleeping Lady



To this day this story has been a closely guarded secret between a few of the senior staff members.



Our staff is usually very methodical. After having the alarm set off by patrons that were left in the library after closing - we got to be extra careful. Especially when the fear of got is put into you by your Branch Manager. At the end of the day a staff member is responsible for touring the facility to make sure all patrons have departed prior to locking the doors and well... leaving for the night. One Monday night we were so busy only a cursory check of the premises were made before staff locked the doors, set the alarm and left for the evening. A staff member who will remain nameless remembers our regular homeless lady taking a nap in the back of the library on one of our window bench seats. She was sleeping sitting up with her legs and arms crossed and her head dropped down on her chest. Evidently my coworker, who will not be named, forgot to wake her up and we set the alarm and left for the evening. When she will not be named came in bright and early the next morning she found said homeless lady in the same position still asleep. The homeless lady had not moved therefore had not set off the motion detectors and set off the alarm.




Library=Daycare




It's a well known fact that libraries are often the defacto drop spot for latchkey kids. Let's face it the public concensus is that libraries are a safe haven for their kids hang out in after school. What they fail to realize is that libraries can be wrought with gangs and thugs as well as pedophiles who believe that this facility is their version of Toy's R Us. The first year I worked here a kid was stabbed and almost bled to death on our carpet. Perhaps it would have been okay to leave your ten year old at the library after school fifty years ago but now? I wouldn't leave my worst enemy's offspring here alone much less mine. Okay, so it's not like we're South Central for goodness sake but we're definitly not Mayberry either. For instance - One early Saturday morning in my early years as a page I noticed that the only two patrons in the library were two Asian girls. One was five and the other was three. After a lot of gentle questioning we found out that their mom wanted to get her grocery shopping done and felt that she could leave her girls at the library while she did it. She put her five year old in charge of her three year old. I kid you not. Incredible but true.




Mr. Tilapia





Mr. Tilapia is a long time patron. For as long as I have worked at the SoCal branch Mr. T visits the library more regularly than my menstrual cycle. The first time I ever laid eyes on Mr. T- he walked in on a warm summer day with a long sleeve shirt, dark work pants, suspenders and tall rubber boots caked in cow crap. What appeared to be bird poop adorned his left shoulder and he wore a pair of dirty wire rimmed glasses that were taped together with layers of dirty scotch tape. Oh the memories! Oh the stench! I can recall his hair with it's receeding clown-like hairline adorned with dark kinky curls that was in a desperate need of a hair cut as well as a shampoo. Whenever Mr. T walked into the library I always had this inexplicable desire to present him with a bottle of Tide, a bar of Irish Spring and a stick of Mitchum and say " Please, please, become familar with these objects, make them your friend and most important of all use them and you to may be able to find a mate and procreate!" But alas I never grew the two sphere like appendages to make that desire a reality.


Mr. T has always been a very placid patron. His demeaner has always been calm and quiet with a monotone voice albeit with a startling tendency to wear oversized clunky boots - Mr. T's most disturbing habit for such a dirty, smelly man was his devotion to Martha Stewart Living, Gourmet, People and Good Housekeeping magazines. Of course there were times when he'd go on a tangent - for instance he had to check out all the wiccan books or all the books on roses or other unconventional topics for his age and gender. I thank all the dieties that exist when Mr. T took advantage of renewing his materials by phone- well let me tell you that was one of the best days of my life!


Mr. Hoe.



Mr. Hoe began some serious stalking which included writing to Sarah (one of our pages) this last year. So much of his writing was so alarming (he told Jesus to F**K himself) that the police had to be called in and a restraining order issued. One of our staff dreams of saying " Mr. Hoe. We're calling the Po Po."




Here are a few of our unsung saints of the Library - Long may they live!




Mrs. Rye Lars dam is one of our favorite patrons. She always waddles in on her walker (with the tennis ball footies) and calls the staff members such pet names as "squirrel, chipmunk, babydoll, and punkin' " (yes the deriviative of pumpkin) Mrs. Rye only checks out mysteries. If they don't bleed she don't read. Every year Mrs. Rye brings each staff member a mug of candied walnuts. Yes, we can be bought.




Mr. Winsteed is another favorite depending on which staff member you speak to. He is a retired educator who strangely enough does not require staff to give him special privleges due to his former status. Mr. W has a penchant for anything regarding Napoleonic War and often brings in brand new materials to donate.



Ms. Sharon is another of our favorite patrons. She is a die hard fan of Keanu Reaves - yet not freakishly so. She OMG follows all the library rules. Never complains about having to pay for her printing.