What's in a Label?

What's in a label? The head honcho of our library conglomerate is eradicating library labels. At first some may think okay, that could be a good thing - saving staff time and the library much needed funds. Then sanity steps in and smacks me a good one. WTF!!! For those who have never worked in a library you may not understand the severity of the situation. Mr. Big Cheese wants to turn the SoCal branch and all of her sisters into little (or big) souless hunks of uniformity. Think Walmart or Homedepot. Mr. Big Cheese wants to strip each branch of it's identity and it's soul. There's a reason our little SoCal Library has labeled certain materials the way we do. It's not to make more work- it is in fact to make things easier for both staff and patron. We didn't wake up one morning and say "gee.. let's label crap for the fun of it!" Our labeling system has evolved over years in response to the needs of our community. I shudder to think of what our ordered little library will become. This edict, if it passes will be a terrifiying blow to the running of the branch and staff morale. It's not like Mr. Big Cheese will reap the benefits of living in a labeless universe. It will be the peons, the troops in the trenches who will deal with the chaos of it all. How will our patrons find the mysteries??? the sci fi? or heavens, the new books? Dear God think about the shelf checks, the books from other branches that will find themselves on our shelves and vise versa because like a communist country everything looks the same. Creativity, orignality and pride will fall by the wayside and for what? To save a few measly staff hours from processing materials once they arrive at the branch? So that we, a government agency will resemble a cheap version of Borders? Mr. Big Cheese wants to be able to walk into any branch in our system and have it look the same. This is an unattanable dream and Mr Big Cheese won't be alive to witness this event. Why? Not because the Sisterhood of the Library Labels has put out a hit on him but because he doesn't want to unlable the existing materials. Oohh nooo this disordered chaos will grow like a malignant tumor on the backside of the library system, creating a mish mash of labeled and unlabeled materials until like a cancer it takes over the collection entirely. How long will it take? Perhaps a decade? I predict the fall out to be considerable due to misshelved items and disgruntled patrons. Dear Library Goddess this act of insanity offends my retentive soul!

Sa turd ay

I've always wondered by their was "turd" in Saturday. After working one this last Saturday at SoCal I now know why...



Usually Saturdays are quiet affairs with the absence of patrons that let a person catch up on all the work that's been set aside because we're just too freakin' busy keeping the doors open what with the hiring freeze and the staff shortages. This Saturday was looking to be just as placid and stress free when I had a premonition. I was adding up the checks from the money taken in the day before when the total came to $51.50. 5150 is the cop code for someone who is crazy. And so they began coming in... first with a patron and her daughter all fired up because their refund the library owed them was not here fast enough. I go a lot of "your taking food out of my kid's mouths!" and "this is all your fault." On and on it went...Stress levels were raised and people came in all day reminding me that perhaps we shouldn't have sharp objects within easy reach at the workplace.

Biology and the many acts of Reproduction...

A teen came up to me and ask for books on biology, so stupidly I went and got her a biology book. She looked at it strangely and said in a distracted manner. "I need a book the reproduction cycle. " "Any particular kind of reproduction cycle?" I ask. Watching her face contort in confusion. I am imagining the inner dialog she must be having with herself. " What do you mean what type? " I wonder if she's imagining if there are any other ways to well.... do it that she hasn't already done. At that point I have to intercede because it's just getting too painful to watch her mentally go through her list of sexual exploits. So I ask "I mean do you want the reproduction cycle of a plant, or anphibian, a mammal, or a fish?" I go on and inform her that there are all different kinds of plants, animals and single celled organisms that have their own kind of reproduction cycles. Then I ask her which one would she like information on...I actually witness the curcuits in her brain spark. She says "Oh yeah, I want information on the reproduction cycle of humans!" Okay I'm thinking, if I get her a book on the human body is what is she going to do with the knowledge she attains? Ewww. maybe I shouldn't even go there. We reach the anatomy section and I go for a basic book on the human body - you know the kind that diagrams in simple renderings of what's where, what it does and why it exists. I have to open the book to the reproductive section and viola! I can hear the light bulb sputter on in her brain. Oh yeah that exactly what I'm looking for! - Amazing isn't it?

Maiden, Mother, Crone...The Moronic Cycle

Yesterday I assisted a patron at the Reference Desk. This is not unusual. I work in a library, I help people all darn day. This patron stuck out because she was well.... an idiot. I know, I know, I shouldn't be so unkind but she there is no other way I can possibly describe her. First off she looked all of 15 and she was very pregnant. What was even more scary is that this isn't her first child. Pregnant teens are nowadays not sooo unusual. She asked for my help but was not articulate. It was like pulling blood from stone. She wanted a book but didn't know it's name or who wrote it but she'd seen it before so she know's it exists. Of couse it was a book on pregnancy. She also wanted a book on a "high risk pregnancies" but needed her mom to jog her memory regarding her specific high risk condition. What took me aback was the fact that this teen's mom was also pregnant. It was obvious that the mom had given birth to her teenage daughter in her teens...Good Lord what a vicious cycle. At the rate this family is reproducing the mother is going to be a great grandmother before she's turns 45!

A Short Bus Kind of Day

Yup, today was a short but kind of day at the Reference Desk. Everyone that came up to the reference desk asked not only those stupid kinds of questions, for instance - "I need a book on grapes for my science project" or "What Time is it?" While staring at the wall clock and you jusk knew- knew it was because they couldn't read an analog clock. What do they teach children these days? But others masquerading as autistic children, unable to comunicate with the outside world had to come and see me at the reference desk. I had a kid who needed help logging onto the computer. Usually, and in this case as well I talk them through the process hoping and that they will learn more by doing than by just watching. Most of the time this process seems to work - not today though. Today it took freaking forever for this kid to follow the most basic and simple set of instructions. It was like teaching a duck how to read braille. At one point I wondered if he understood the English language. Just when I was about to break my own rule and just "do it for him" - he get's it. Finally, I think to myself, he's out of my hair. But alas, it's not to be. After I show him how to read his reservation reciept which tells him A. What computer he's on and B. When his reservation time is - he comes back to me and says "Somebody's on my computer" I give myself a mental headsmack and tell him that he has a reservation in one hour and fifty-five minutes. His reply "but somebody's on my computer" nothing seems to get through to this kid, nothing. It's not like he's five or anything. If takes a full five minutes of giving him the same freaking answer phased differently each and every time and I still don't think he truly "got" the whole concept of - dude you'll have to wait your turn. Civilization is doomed.

Another Performer's Showcase

Yes, yet again I got to go to another Performer's Showcase. This showcase was in a spectacular venue close to home, in my city's brand spanking new cultural center. I think they could have it at the Sistine Chapel and it would still have the same soul sucking effect on me. The venue had all the pristine shiney-ness of a newly minted penny as well as great food and decent breaks - but still I was only half alive when I left. I think it's just the whole thought of OMG I'm going to have to start thinking of SRP and it's only January! As well as the sheer number of people performing that has that life sucking effect. As I sat in the well appointed theatre I was forced to witness some truly gratingly horrifying performances. What amazes me it that these awful performers are willing to come to - yes! your library for a paltry $350-$475 and strut their stuff for your patrons. I mean really, do they not have friends that live within the bounds of reality? At one point I thought for a moment I'd start breaking out in hives when one woman did a startling reinactment of a scene in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice in full costume. (Of Course) I mean what 3rd grader is going to be all over that this summer!?

The Dizzing Deductions of the Demented Miss D

Bubble Trouble

At this time all of the staff is female at SoCal Library. As a result we talk a lot about - well men... During a staff birthday party Ms Patrick and I were involved in a man themed discussion. We were discussing the Man bubble bath phenomenon. We noticed that a lot of men we knew enjoyed taking bubble baths including Ms. Patrick's husband. During our discussion Ms. Patrick informed us that she knew that Alan Greenspan goes over financial information in the bath and would stay there for hours. At the end of the discussion Miss D gave Ms. Patrick a piercing glare and stated " Boy Ms. Patrick, you sure do get around!"

Beware of the Pretty People!

Miss D. is in a state about our branch manager retiring. She in constant worry mode regarding her ability to keep her job during these "uncertain times". As a result she often voices her theories regarding our branch manager's replacement. So far her biggest worry is that they will hire someone "Pretty". Yes, she is worried about the "Pretty" people. I'm not sure why - I get the impression that she thinks that if HR hires a "Pretty" branch manager that Branch manager will want Miss D gone. Maybe the whole birds of a feather theory? Miss D gave me a reasurring pep talk telling me emphatically that and I quote " Oh you won't have anything to worry about because you're smart."