Lunch with Eyebrow Girl

Yesterday I was working the reference desk when a woman came up to me and asked if we were allowed to eat in the library. Now you'd think that would be a pretty straightforward question but the library sells snacks to help fund it's book budget. So while technically we don't allow food or drink we sell items like pretzels, chex mix, nerds, m&m's. Snacks that aren't going to leave a nasty stain or smear itself on the books, furniture or carpet. Before I could explain the fine intricacies of our food policy, she explains that there is a woman in the teen section eating her lunch and it's very distracting. Okay. Time to investigate! I walk back to the teen section to find Eyebrow girl sitting at one the diner booth in the teen section with a hamburger, fries (complete with ketchup) and a coke. I tell her she can't have a lunch in the library and she looks at my like I'm nuts and leaves. Gosh if only she'd stay away. But alas, later that day she returns to use the computer. I think that she may have eaten a little too quickly because as she was passing the reference desk she let loose a big fart. You should have seen the look on the guys face I was helping at the Reference Desk. I don't know what amazed and shocked him more Eyebrow Girl's near to non existent ensemble or the amazing amount of flatuence she let loose in public. Sadly, I was not so suprised by either.

Living in the land of the indecisive...

Just decide already! I've had two SRP tweenies sift through the incentives for the last 45 minutes. We close in 30 minutes. After that I'm leaving. They are on their own. What's so hard about picking an incentive. I don't freakin' get it. Just pick something already. We have stuff. Stuff that you can choose. It's not like they are choosing a college to attend. It's a coupon for frozen yogurt or a magnetic book mark, or a book bag. Give me a break. Then there is the questions. How much frozen yogurt can you get. Can you replace the batteries on the lava lamp key chain? Can I exchange this if I don't like it later on? OMG. I told them when SRP is over SRP is over! it all goes away! No refunds no exchanges. Now it's just one tweenie and she's talking to herself....

Liar, Liar, I hope your pants light on fire...

Honesty is always the best policy. This is a concept that I think everybody should live by and try to follow. It drives me nuts when someone is blatantly lying to get their own way. Just tell the truth and take responsibility. It's part of being an adult. Basically I'm too lazy to lie. It takes to much effort to keep your story straight. Most people aren't smart enough to be a good liar. At least our patrons aren't. Then you will always be known as a big fat liar and an untrustworthy person.



This evening a little cocker spaniel mix came into the library. She was so cute! She was obviously looking for someone. She had no collar or leash. When she found the person she was looking for in the library the patron claimed that it wasn't her dog but her neighbors and that it must have followed her here. The dog won't stay outside and keeps barking frantically when she can't get in. That tells the staff (who are animal lovers) that some thing's up. The patron then tells us that she's watching the dog for her neighbor which to me means that she's taken responsibility for the dog and needs to take it home. Our Assistant Branch Manager informs the patron that she needs to take the dog home. So with a length of yarn that we provided her to create a makeshift leash she ties the dog outside the library. Okay, that's not taking the dog home! The patron's Internet time was more important her than taking care of a living being in her care. Which pisses me and a the rest of the staff off. When the dog breaks free the patron, let's call her Cruella, proceeds to kick the little cocker spaniel mix. All this was witnessed by a staff member. Cruella was approached by the what we suspect is the owner but we're not sure. Anyway this guy takes the dog away. I guess during the course of events Cruella had called the owner to pick the dog up however, you can't trust a single word that came out of this woman's mouth. I was thinking that it would have been kinder to call animal control and have the dog picked up. Cruella walks back in and when confronted about abusing an animal in her care admits it with not even a shred of shame or remorse. It boggles the mind. I hope she doesn't have kids.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH

I need a vacation. I have had enough of our library patrons. If it's not cat lady bringing back our books smelling of nasty, dirty cat litter then it's people calling me for phone numbers instead of looking it up in their own phone book or calling 411. If it's not those yahoo's, it's the guy who uses the internet looking up ads in the personals and has me doing his mapquest and making sure he doesn't have to pay for any extra prints. It's another appearance of the King of Dicks and his request that we hold movies for him or eyebrow girl and her barely clothed big body with her plummers butt crack stairing me in the face as she uses a computer. It's the stupid people who say what's my PIN?

The End of the Summer Reading Programs

Our Summer Reading Programs, of which there are four separate programs, are almost over. We have had nine weeks, nine freaking weeks of SRP. The first six flew by but the last week seems to be taking forever... A man asked me what happened after our Summer Reading Programs ended. How do you answer that question without making the guy look like an imbecile? I mean really. What happens after SRP ends. Well, buddy it all stops. No more having to look up your registration card, no more having to tally how many books you read or may have lied about reading, no more having to wait while you sift through all of the incentives. No more having to deal with your whiny, complaining butt until next year. No more having to deal with the hordes of children and the misbehaving parents and I shout Yay!

The Library staff will celebrate with alcohol this year.

It has been a long SRP.

Who Was That Masked Lady?

There has been a reemergence of masked ladies at the library. I use the term "ladies" very loosely as so far I have not had one act like a lady yet. They act like a word that rhymes with witches. They are usually suffering from some form of germ based phobia. So what do they do? They come to a public library where there are trillions of germs and patrons who haven't seen a bar of soap in a very long time. Let's not mention little children and adults who don't wash their hands after using the potty then handle the books. It happens. I'm rarely sick and I believe it's because I've built up an immunity from working here. I have so much sick time on the books it's criminal. Let me tell you there is no amount of Lysol or disinfectant that will make this library a safe place for a masked lady because of the sheer volume of people that come here on a day to day basis and the number of surfaces they touch. I would think for a germaphobe that a library must be like hell on earth. So why come here? Some sort of therapy or is it desperation? Perhaps a sign of insanity? Who knows. We now have two masked ladies who use our computers. So far both are typical for their breed. They are insufferable witches for which the staff can do nothing correctly or quickly enough. There is only one way to treat a masked lady and that is with uber politeness, never show fear, never, ever let them see you sweat, never let them get to you.

Back in the day at another Library in Southern California I was introduced to my very first masked lady. She was so convinced that the she needed to protect her self from the poisonous toxins in the library that She would come to the library dressed in full surgical scrubs complete with face mask. Sometimes she would come dragging a mini oxygen tank with her. She was one of the most unpleasant people I have ever had the misfortune to be in the vicinity of. I shudder even now as I think of her.

Sauced at the Library

Lately there have been a plethora of people coming into the library sauced. I'm not talking about some bizarre sexual preference or new fashion fad. I'm talking old school sauced. AKA. Drunk. I don't mean someone that's had one to many. I'm talking about someone that saw one two many three days ago and kept tossing 'em back anyway. First it was the guy that could have passed for one of the members of ZZ top. We found him in the little patio between the library and the psycho senior center sitting in one of their little white plastic chairs. As it was after hours for both the library and senior center we asked him to leave. He was so drunk that he could not find the freakin' gate to leave the patio area. He stumbled about the patio area looking for the gate. Eventually with help he made it out.

Next we had a couple kicked out of the AA meeting for being drunk. How whacked is that? So what does this couple do but mosey on down to the library to dry out. While they were drying out the male part of the this couple needs to use the bathroom. He is so drunk that he literally can't make it to the men's restroom fast enough and urinates in this pants. In. His. Pants. There was a lot of pee. He then decides since he's already relieved himself that he'll just take a load off and sits in one of our cloth upholstered library chairs. His pants are dripping with his own urine and he just sits down on library furniture. Not on library furniture that can be wiped down either. Ughhhh.... It's hard to even think about.