SoCal's Quiznos Epicenter of Evil

We have made a momentous discovery! The Quizno's just up the street from the SoCal Library is an epicenter of evil. At first we were in denial but we can no longer avoid the truth. Evil gathers at the popular sandwich shop, thankfully with no purpose. One of my coworkers loves to eat at Quizno's several times a week and as a result is facinated by the minons of evil and their conversations:



"The Evil of Organized Religon"



You have to understand that my friend can be a religous fanatic magnet. As long as I have known her the religous nuts love to persecute her. One patron, we call "Jesus Boy" called her "of the Devil" because she got between his sermonizing to a couple of Mormon Missionaries. Which is kind of ironic. One day when my coworker arrived at the sandwich shop it was inundated with men. She chatted with a couple of men in line with her and found out that there was a men's fundamentalist Christian conference in the area. As they chatted the men mentioned that about two thousand of their bretheren were praying for peace during this conference. My coworker mentioned that she had attended the Rose Bowl and that it was attended by forty-five thousand Catholics also praying for peace. They said "That's nice. God is really doing miracles today" but their body language and tone of voice screamed "You whore of Babylon!" As the sandwich staff rung up her order it came to a total of six dollars and sixty-six cents... yes $6.66 which she points out to the men behind her jokingly. She is met with dead silence. Obviously this is a sign that she is the Devil's Minion. She takes her meal outside to one of the tables when the men in line behind her sit at the table next to her. She is facinated by their conversation as one man is complaining about how the economy goes into the toilet every time legislation was passed concerning abortion rights. The other talks about how driving a SUV is costing him a ton of money in gas everday and how his car payment is sooo expensive. They seemed to think that God will only work in this world as long as abortion isn't legalized. As the men were getting ready to leave my friend told them to have a good day and pray for peace. In response one of the men replied that there will be no peace in this country as it has been ordained! My friend replies "You mean Revelations? I was taught that the events in Revelations had already occured." His reply was that she was taught wrong. As they were leaving she realized they could very easily have read the title of the book she was reading J.A. Jance's Web of Evil.

Tisket a Tasket your Grandmother's Casket

A teenage boy and his mom come into the library looking for information on how to build a CASKET...aka...coffin...

You would not believe how many Internet sites there are about DIY funerals. http://www.deathonline.net/what_happens/body/diy_funerals.cfm

It boggles the mind.... Here's some fun facts:

A typical funeral costs $5,000, not including burial plot and tombstone.

Cremation usually costs $700, including the required casket.

Only Eight states in the U.S. require the services of an undertaker.

Ramsey Creek Preserve in Westminster, South Carolina is the home of the Nation's first all-natural DIY cemetary were your loved one must be buried in a biodegradable casket and embalming is not permitted.

There's a man named Out-house Charlie who makes DIY coffin kits that range anywhere from $800 - $3,500.

Hot Dogs

As Summer is in full swing at the SoCal Library, some stupid library patrons feel it's totally acceptable to leave their dogs in their cars. For those careless and ignorant people I say only this - We are on the look out for you and your evil ways. I am always amazed at how incredibly heartless some animal owners can be when it comes to their pets. So far we have had several people leave their dogs in their cars on a hot day. A couple of weeks ago we found a small dog in a dog carrier in a black truck with the windows shut. Our new unwritten policy is simple and swift. We will not look for the individuals whose pet is trapped gasping for air in the 120+ degree heat. Oh no, we're going to call the police and have them out here asap. All but a few of our staff are petless. All of the staff are pissed. Make no mistake Stupid Library Patrons we are out to get you.

Excuses, Excuses

Would you be able to get money out of an ATM with out your ATM card?

Use your credit card at Home Depot with just giving the clerk your full name?

Would you drive with out a license?

Then why would you go to a library and borrow anywhere from $25.00 - $300.00 worth of library materials and not have any identification at all. It boggles the freakn' mind.

Patrons give all kinds of excuses for not bringing their library cards to the library. These excuses usually are:

"I left my card at home"

"I left my card in my other bag"

"I gave my card to my spawn"

Then they stare at the staff blankly like " What are you going to do about it?"

One of my coworkers came upon a new and utterly original excuse last week.

A female patron walks in to use the computer but she doesn't have her library card. She proceeds to explain to my coworker that she was walking down Holt Blvd (Which indicates the good possibilty that she's a prostitute) when she was hit by a car. At which time her purse with all of her identification was lost. This story gets a little weirder when the lady pulls up her leg, takes off her shoe and shows her captive audience her two missing toes as proof of her story.

Elle and her ascent into Library Hell

I've worked a few libraries in my time. I've worked in a school library, a public library and a county library system in several different branches. All have been run differently. In some cases the whole dynamic is just different. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes it's a bad thing - it depends I guess on the situation and how you look at it. My current place of employment so far is my best fit. Sure there are aspects of my library I don't care for but all in all it is wonder-freakin'-ful. Of course I've had all sorts of bosses - the great networker but ineffectual manager, the militant you can do no right boss, the alcohol depentant abusive boss, the let's walk in the front door and out the back door but get paid for the day boss, etc... thankfully none of these shining examples are my current boss. All have taught me something - whether I've wanted the knowledge or not. So far I've never had it so good. However there are those courageous few who leave Socal library in search of timely advancement with better pay. Case in point- Elle. Way overqualified to be a page Elle applied to Focal Library when they had a Library Assistant position available. Of course being extremely smart, personable and qualified in the exreme Elle was snapped up by the Focal Branch Library.. That is when the trouble started.



From what I understand Focal has a new large staff of which many have no library experience. I'm talking NO LIBRARY experience - one employee's last position was at Target. Not that Target is a bad place to work but I don't think they cover Dewey do they? I gather that the current experienced staff don't give a rat's ass about the new staff much less training said new staff. I believe this is due to bad blood betwixt the new branch manager (promoted) and the old branch manager (demoted) . It does not help that the old branch manager works under the new branch manager. Good God even I could see this comming. What was personnel thinking? From long time personal experience I know the new branch manager is a one of those "great networkers but ineffectual managers" that is treated differently by the management due to the fact that he is fair of face and has that extra appendage. As a result the library has no real leadership. As a result the stacks are an unmitigated disater and the library smells of urine.

Stupid Reference Questions

This week of all weeks I feel should be national stupid question week. So far we have had people come in and ask for books on these subjects:

Do you have a biography of turkey?
I need a book on the 50 states of Idaho.
Do you have a book about Degas. ( pronounced like Vegas)
Do you have a copy of the Davincia Code?
Ummn do you have a book on Romans in the USA?
Do you have that new book Sleeping Dolls by Jeffery Dahmer (Deaver)
What part of France is Spain located?

Although there have been some great ones thorought the years:

I need a book on how concrete dries. (Science Project)

Kid came in wanting a book on Africa so that he could look up Siberian Tigers. It took him a while to figure the obvious out.


I had a woman who didn't know that Kentucky was a State of the Union. She thought it was only a type of fried chicken.

Another woman requested materials on how to train her dog. I handed her a book titled The Canine Good Citizen: Every Dog Can Be One by Joachim Volhard for her perusal, she handed it back to me and said " I don't have one of those!" She didn't know that canine is other word for DOG.

I had a patron that was convinced that New England was still a part of Great Brittian.

A staff member had a guy who was convinced that Forrest Gump was a real person not a fictional character and wanted to know when he was presented with his congressional metal of honor.

Another patron we affectionatly refer to as "Rose Red" was convinced that the character Ellen Rimbauer depicted in Television Mini series Rose Red by Stephen King was an actual person and wanted her biography.

The Demented Miss D Has an EPISODE

SoCal Branch Library is part of a large county library system. As such it is subject to a dress code. The dress code is of GREAT IMPORTANCE to upper management and is strictly enforced. There are however casual days in which staff members may, within reason, wear denim jeans. These days are either Friday or Saturday. Not both Friday and Saturday but either Friday or Saturday depending on which is the employees last day of work for the week.

The Demented Miss D comes into work in jeans, on a Thursday, which is a flagrant violation of the all important dress code. She proceeds to ask various staff members if indeed it's okay to wear jeans on a Thursday. The Staff tell Miss D exactly what she does not want to hear - that no, you can't wear jeans on a Thursday. Miss D has what I can only describe as an EPISODE. Muttering about how she is being discriminated against and how she is going to complain to the CAO and talk to her union representative. Which I don't get because she works a freakin' Saturday. About this time a patron approaches the circulation desk in search of information about our literacy program as she cannot read. This is what occured during the course of their conversation:

Miss D informs patron that we can't help her because our program only tutors spanish speakers.
HUH? So not true

Miss D informs patron that the library North of us has a literacy program that can help her.

Patron response is "I don't drive"

Miss D tells her to take a bus.


During the seven years Miss D has been employed at the SoCal library she has been known to change library rules and policy at any given time to any given individual. There have been times when I have just watched open mouthed and amazed as she totally distorts reality as I know it. Sephi, one of our pages, tries desprately to interject on the conversation trying to let the truth be known and feeling as though she's part of some kind secret literacy underground railroad she tries to separate the patron from Miss D. The unsettling part is that Miss D truly believes all the crap she is actually uttering.